Top seven reasons to read this listicle

1. Everybody loves lists, right?

2. If I had ads, I’d make even more money from you by making you click through this list one item at a time.

3. If information wasn’t in list form, who would read it? Thirty years ago, on its introduction people made fun of USA Today as “McPaper.” Now, USA Today could pass for long form journalism compared to the way most people get “news.”

4. Even NPR takes this idea seriously.

5. You get to go through the list and see if you guessed any of them right! How have you done so far?

6. When I don’t want to think, I can just type up a dumb list and you’ll read it anyway.

7. Everybody loves sarcastic self-referential humor.

8. Bonus: Cats!

I’ll make up for this on Monday, with a genuine post.